From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
