i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
