my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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