Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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