omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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