if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
