so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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