hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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