Kareoke will never be a sober sport
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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