a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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