Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I am spending my child support on dildos
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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