just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
