It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
