Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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