Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
