This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
