Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
