Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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