I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
