Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
