DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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