The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize