he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
