When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
