google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
