So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
