I bet he comes in French.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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