i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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