how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
