Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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