I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I had to cum in my sink.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
