i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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