I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
