Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
