Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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