3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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