I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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