if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
