That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
