My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize