I seem to have left my pride at pride
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
