who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize