My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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