hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
