i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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