Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
