I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
