They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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