Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
