I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
