Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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