I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
