I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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