Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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