Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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