I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
