why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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