If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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