i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize