you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
