Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
