Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
