do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
