You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
